Note : I wrote these words before creating the KAL Method and putting it into practice.
There is a phrase that is no longer true: "The carefree part of me is gone".
On August 10, 2015, I was at a busy and trendy restaurant on one of the most beautiful beaches in the South of France with a friend. It was a perfect day, hot and sunny.
Most of the guests were on vacation. They were beautiful people relaxing in a fabulous spot with nice food and rosé, enjoying the spectacle of the ocean in the background.
We were lucky to be here as we had been turned away twice in the previous hour. My friend had arrived late, so we missed the appointment with the restaurant I had planned to go to, but when we got to this restaurant, it was booked up.
As we were leaving, a waiter caught up with us and invited us to the buffet, if we didn't mind serving ourselves.
After a small discussion, we decided to get something to eat. I wasn't even hungry.
A waiter was behind the buffet. He was refilling the cups, that kept the buffet warm, with liquid fuel.
After he turned away, one of the cups exploded in my direction.
There were people all around _ I remember a little girl _ but “miraculously”, as the experts said, “only one person was hit.”
After the “BOOM”, the huge dishes were floating in the air in slow motion. I felt something on my bare thighs. I stared at the spots that had just appeared. Patches of raw skin. Despite what I was seeing, my brain kept telling me that everything was fine "it's okay, it's nothing, we're going to the beach later in the afternoon, it's cold, it's just very cold " until the burning sensation pierced my body to the bone. A scream from a voice I didn't know came from my body. It was like the voice of a beast having its heart ripped out.
I had been sprayed with burning chemicals, and a fireball had ignited my clothes.
When I saw the flames close to my face, I thought of my dead father, trapped in his plane that had crashed and caught fire years before.
"I have to save myself," I thought.
I tried to put out the fire with my hands. That's how I burned my hands, arms, and stomach.
Finally, my friend ripped off my top.
For a moment, I stood topless, hands up, horrified by what I was seeing, facing shocked customers who stared at me, waiting for the staff to act.
The pain was excruciating, but I was out of danger. And yet, it wasn't totally over.
I was still begging for water when suddenly I felt a strange sensation in my shorts. They were soaked with burning liquid and were silently burning on me.
With tears in my mouth, I couldn't articulate what was happening; my friend couldn't understand what I was mumbling: "My shorts are burning me!" I repeated without being understood.
They were jean shorts that were difficult to unbutton; I thought I would lose the flesh on my hands; I thought it was the end of the carefree life I had with a functional body.
When the pain became unbearable, I unbuttoned the shorts, which burned on the ground.
Now I was just in my panties, in front of everyone, in excruciating pain, horrified, and crying out for water that never seemed to come.
Finally, they took me to the entrance of the restaurant, where there was a hose. Customers could still take a look as they left.
As I was slumped over a chair, being hosed over by my friend, I knew I would never have the same life again. I knew that I would no longer be a surgical representative. I knew that everything had changed forever. I knew a part of me was gone, and I would never be the same again.
I thought that the level of pain I felt during the accident and then in the ambulance (which was not equipped to receive burn injuries) was the highest.
But in the hospital, I suffered even more. One day they took me back to my room after scraping my burns with a blade - to accelerate healing - without the proper painkillers.
This time, I went to hell.
Knowing how much pain humans, and animals, can endure has been one of the most difficult steps to overcome.
That's why I believe deep down that there is a space of love, light, beauty, knowledge, and understanding.
That's why I feel so much compassion for those who are enduring, have endured, or will endure physical pain.
This accident happened seven years ago. I am now fully recovered and happy.
The carefree part of me is gone, but my life has a meaning it didn't have before.
I was always looking for more excitement, new experiences, new adventures, more fun, and more pleasure to avoid my fears of discovering how unworthy I might be. I was insatiable. I was rarely in the present moment.
Now, I am at peace.
I have found tools that have helped me heal but also make my life even better. I know how powerful the brain is, and I know how to use it.
There will always be suffering in the world, there will always be accidents, assaults, and diseases, but we can stop adding suffering on top of suffering.
We can be physically hindered, but there are ways not to let our brains get in the way of our hearts, access our wisdom, and be the best version of ourselves.
I think it was meant to be this way.
I know it happened for me.
I am now a certified life coach, doing my best to love myself, doing what I love, and helping others do the same.
With gratitude
Stephanie Romeo